My Story

A Little More About Me

I'm married to my best friend, Matthew.  I'm a mom to 2 kiddos who I long to see in heaven - Zayn born and died 6/8/15, and Valentine born to miscarriage 2/14/16. Life is tough and complicated but it's beautiful. Strangly, I wouldn't change a thing, because I trust that the bigger picture is a tapestry more incredible than I could ever imagine.
We've adventured our way through 45 states and still call New Jersey home. We live in a sweet spot in the top north west corner, in between mountains and farm land, and I love it! I strive for a healthy sustainable life. By day I'm a behavior analyst, and by night I'm a hula hooper.
Nothing in life is certain but God is a solid rock. By His grace, I'm holding on. I can't wait to see what's in store!

(Well, the part that brings me to this blog anyway)

I first thought of starting a blog in the spring of 2015 when I found out the baby I was carrying had a fatal diagnosis and would not live long after birth, if he even made it that long. That time in my life changed me forever. In short, we chose to carry our son to term, in spite of the suggestion to terminate.  He made it 32 weeks, and we loved him the whole way. He was born on June 8th, 2015 and passed within an hour. We named him Zayn Brighton Lemuel, meaning Beautiful, Loved, and Belonging to God. He was amazing and we miss him deeply. Nothing can bring him back or take away the heartache, but I find hope and healing in knowing his life was not without purpose. 
Through our time with Zayn and the time following his birth, we learned a lot. I'm still learning and I want to share this journey with you. I've been inspired by many I would've never known, and I've been saddened to learn how many suffer in silence. My hope is that I can be a voice for them, for me, for Zayn and all the other beautiful souls so easily forgotten. 
I certainly don't have all the answers. I can only share my experiences and hope you'll share yours and together we can help make this road a little easier.